The Last Night...

I had with my beloved dog, Sweetie, was Monday night. I haven't been able to write about it until now - if I can make it through it this time...As many of you know, Sweetie had been diagnosed with at least two kinds of cancer, both highly malignant and aggressive. After numerous conversations with our vet, and a specialist, we decided that the best course for Sweetie was to let her live out her days at home with us, and focus on the quality of her life, not the quantity.



Just to recap, the options were:

1. amputation of the cancerous leg, which would not CURE her since the cancer had already metastasized, but would be palliative. Since she has had bad hips for YEARS, this was not a good option for her;
2. not only would it have been hard on her hips, but she had developed immune-mediated thrombocytopenia a few years ago, a disease that almost killed her (her body turned on her own blood cells). She spent five days in ICU, and received two blood transfusions. We came very, very close to losing her then;
3. radiation. Again, this would only have been palliative, and the closest place she could have it done was several hours away. So, every week, we would have to drive to this city, have back to back treatments, then drive back home. The resulting time this would give her was not expected to be much longer than what we could already expect;
4. chemo. That would have required one and a half hour drive (each way) for treatment, and again, would not be curative, nor give her that much more time. Both would have had a LOT of nasty side effects as well.



So, we made the choice to not drag her all over creation for treatments that would not prolong her life that much longer, and would be very hard on her physically. It was an agonizing decision let her go, I have to say. We have had her for over ten years, and have been through so much with her. But her pain levels were increasing beyond the scope of the available pain meds, and the cancerous joint in her leg was becoming more enlarged. We feared a pathological fracture, which would have put her in excruciating pain until we could get to our vet's, an hour away. Even though she was still very alert, we knew the kinds of cancer she had were very painful to her. Sweetie had a pretty hard weekend last weekend. Hard as it was, still is, we knew it was time we let her go.

So on Tuesday, at noon, I took her into the vet's for the last time. My partner was out of town on business, so a dear friend, who had worked for my vet, came with me, even though she was supposed to be moving out of state that day. My favorite vet tech assisted my wonderful, loving, caring, and kind vet. My vet told me she would not have done anything differently than we had done had it been her dog. That meant more than I can say to hear from her. We spent quite some time with Sweetie before they administered the initial drugs used to calm them. My friend said that as I moved around Sweetie while the tech and vet worked with her, she would follow the sound of my voice. And then it was time. I stood in front of her, petting her, telling her how much I loved her and what a gift she has been to me. And then she was gone...

I still can't think, or write, apparently, about her without crying. She was a great dog, a faithful companion, utterly devoted to us, and I will miss her more than I can say.



Perhaps something to consider is that we never know when someone is suffering, from the loss of a loved one (human or pet), or has just lost their job, or ended a relationship, maybe just having a bad day, or not feeling well. Certainly it is hard to tell in this forum (i.e., the internet). It wouldn't hurt us to act with a little more kindness, maybe re-read that comment before submitting it, or taking a break from the computer altogether to appreciate what, and who, we have in our lives. Maybe we could just be a little gentler with each other. Just a thought...